A Slightly Awkward Start 

I arrived just before 11am and was invited to relax until my treatment. 

At midday I headed to the treatment rooms, only to be greeted as someone booked in for a 45-minute treatment. 

“No,” I explained. “I’m here for the 85-minute Swedish massage.” 

Cue frantic checking of schedules and the discovery that, according to the system, I apparently didn’t exist on their printed list. 

Thankfully I had my confirmation email to hand and, after a little head scratching, everything was resolved. 

The massage itself was excellent. Deeply relaxing and involving enough oil to lubricate a medium-sized cruise ship. 

When asked if I’d like a head massage too, the answer was an enthusiastic yes. More oil.

The Greasy Limbo Period 

Eighty-five minutes later I emerged feeling wonderfully relaxed and looking like an oil slick.

Unfortunately, my hair now resembled abbird’s nest

Naturally, I assumed I’d head to the pool, shower off the excess oil and relax until check-in. Except I couldn’t. 

I was informed that guests are not permitted to use the pool before their room is available, which wasn’t until 3pm. 

This left me in the slightly ridiculous position of being covered in massage oil with nowhere to wash it off. 

The suggestion was that I sit outside and wait. Outside. During a heatwave. Covered in oil. 

Instead, I retreated to reception and resigned myself to doing some work. 

To be fair to Great Fosters, when I later checked the booking details, the restriction was clearly stated. However, given how prominently the spa and pool feature in the marketing, it did feel a little disappointing. Realistically, how much use do you get from an outdoor pool between 3pm and bedtime, then breakfast and checkout the following morning? 

I felt it was a little tight, particularly as I had just spent £175 on a treatment. I did not feel that it was clearly stated through the booking journey.

The Michelin-Starred Dilemma 

While I was waiting, a member of staff came over to discuss dining options. 

The bar menu sounded appealing and I was told I could sit outside for dinner. I then mentioned I’d only just realised the hotel also had a Michelin-starred restaurant. 

His response? “It’s quite expensive.” I wasn’t entirely sure how to take that. Was he suggesting it wasn’t worth the money? Or was my current appearance, featuring denim shorts, flip-flops birds nest, oil slick look, causing concern? We’ll never know. 

What I did know was that I’d already spent £555 on the room and treatment combined and was beginning to feel a little short-changed by the pool policy.

The Upgrade Adventure 

On arrival I’d asked whether any room upgrades were available. I was informed that I’d already been upgraded to a room in the main house, which was a pleasant surprise. Naturally, I then asked whether any further upgrades were available. 

The answer was: 

“Well… what room do you want?” 

Which felt slightly backwards. Surely this is where the hotel tells me about all the wonderful rooms available before I start handing over additional money? Eventually I was told that I could view an upgraded suite once it was ready and decide then. Perfect.